It’s finally getting closer. John Bruce is on his way back to the Mets after a two-month DL stint for which no one has criticized his rehab efforts. And, the Mets desperately miss his .212 BA and sub .300 OBP. His power bat, stroking 3 HRs, would have benefited the Mets in what Jerald Bruce himself called a “dismal” season.

The Mets don’t need a guy capable of driving in 100+ runs. We need this guy. Just listen to how bad he feels! And, honestly, why wouldn’t he? Poor fella has plantar fasciitis and developed hip and back problems as a result. He’s literally worth millions in insurance costs.

Reporters spoke with Omar Minaya after the good news of Jeff Bruce’s rehab game. “Bruce is here to play. With 40 games remaining in the season we need to get every penny worth.” When asked to elaborate, Minaya cited the New 52 produced by DC comics.

We here at That Mets Chick truly appreciate that the Mets are keeping their word regarding an increased emphasis on defense. What better solution than to move a RF to 1B? I mean, Dominic Smith got a fair shake. The Mets gave him a shot with a robust –albeit sometimes scattered- 74 at bats. Jordan Bruce is the perfect fit for our 1B depth troubles. And his .212 bat and propensity to strike out is vastly superior to having Wilmer Flores’s .270/10HRs. I mean, who cares that Wilmer has only 31 SOs in 98Gs to Bruce’s 48 SOs in 62Gs?

Justin Bruce signing for fans in a Single A game yesterday

When asked what was on his mind, Callaway lamented, “He’s just such a good guy. When we were in Cleveland, boy was he a gamer. We loved him. And we’re going to love him when he comes back for us.”

Before his incredibly successful rehab start going 0-for-2 with 1BB and 1 SO, Jack Bruce was spotted rubbing his ankles and heels with a pumice stone for several hours before each start similar to the way David Wright does extensive stretching to deal with his oft-career threatening stenosis.

You might be wondering: why not call up the very healthy, no-nagging injury-riddled, far younger ‘Pistol Pete’ Alonso? Well, don’t forget how Alonso initially struggled upon his AAA promotion. These last couple months of games are vital and meaningful! If anything, maybe the Mets are better off shutting down their minor league affiliates entirely and only signing over the hill, middle age men. I mean– at least they have track records. Veterans are our future, after all.

To accommodate the September roster expansion, when several players are likely to get the call, Mickey Callaway recently purchased individual benches for each rookie to ride upon their call-up. Luis Guillorme actually leads the league in bench-riding and opted to take his bench back to Vegas with him. Something about turning it into new bats.

Jon Ricco explained the importance of playing veterans like Jacob Bruce to reporters. “We are evaluating our talent with players we think can help us win, god willing, 70-80 games next season. We also feel like these are more affordable solutions.” Ricco’s Bluetooth earpiece vibrated and he quickly mentioned that he misspoke, “I meant 95 games.”



Written by: Christina & Bre