TO: Daddy, My Main Man OMar, J Pee-Pee, Ricco Suave
FROM: Jeff Wilpon
DATE: October 25, 2018
RE: GM Search
After intervieding all the poeple who wnated to be teh new Mets gEneral Mangar, I have a few dieas on who we shoudl hire for the position.
From what i’ve read, Jake’s agent has what’s called a “serious conflict of interest.” That sounds super serious, and I think we should avoid that.
Melvins the guy we didn’t hire last tine. Instaed, we went wiht Terry Collins. Why woudl we hire taht guy now? Seeems stupid.
Bloom is the guy with the Rays. He’s way too young for the job, and he doesn’t have the experience. Like, when I was 35, I had already had a storied baseball career and was a super COO (why do we spell it coo and not cool?) person with the team. I did all of tghat wihtout going to any fancy colleg.e Bloom sucks compared to me.
So again, I’m telling you to give me the GM job. If you don’t give it to me, I”m going to hold my breath for super long. I won’t talke to you ever agin.
Please Daddy! Please, please, please, please, please, PLEASE!!!!! I’ll lov eyou forever and ever and ever.