Pictured: big black dildo in Kevin Plawecki’s locker

“It’s not something I really want to be involved with,” Plawecki said. “I had nothing to do with it to begin with. It’s definitely awkward, it’s weird. … It by no means reflects who I am as a person, my beliefs, my views.

We believe you, Plaw dogg. We believe you.

We’re gonna miss those sweet, hard ground balls to the left side. That startlingly high on base percentage relative to the low batting average. The fact you have have 14 career homers, one each off of CC Sabathia, Max Scherzer, Scott Kazmir, RA Dickey and Julio Tehran.

You should be the backup to Ramos, not lil d.

I’ll always keep the batting practice hat I have of yours close to my heart.

With gentle tears, I say goodbye to an unheralded hero.

Goodbye, Plawecki.

(Authors Note: I don’t believe you, Kevin. That dildo is yours. Just own up to it. Sheesh.)